There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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