Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
