I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
