I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
