im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
