Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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