I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I love you. Go after that dick
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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