I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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