At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
