one might say we're banned from that church
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
