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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy

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• (+45): View more from Denmark

  The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!

  (+45): View more from Denmark

  ... that would be easier though.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?

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