I want to have your abortion
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize