I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.