I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest