My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I intend to get homeless drunk
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.