God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
