It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
