I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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