Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
