Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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