my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
