Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
