So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize