I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
