Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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