I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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