Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize