I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
