What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I skipped work to stalk him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
