ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize