i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
