she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
