is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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