You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
