I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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