I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
