you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
