one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
