i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
