the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
