Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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