The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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