absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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