i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
