I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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