Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
