Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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