Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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