i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
