she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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