Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize