i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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