I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
