Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My penis needs a shock collar
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize