he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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