If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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