it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
