My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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