The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What a dumb baby whore.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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