Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
