ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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