I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
