I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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