We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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