I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
