we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize