He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
