Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
