So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
