so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
