It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
