it was like his penis was on wheels.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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