My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
someone owes me an orgasm
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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