i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you traded sex for a burrito?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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